Sexual satisfaction of both the partners is extremely important to have a fulfilling married life. But what happens when the partners have mismatched libidos? or when she has a higher sex drive than you? Should the people with a higher drive compromise on their sexual needs or should they seek sexual fulfillment outside of their marriage? Should the partners with the lower sex drive give in to the sexual requests of the other partner unwillingly? and what are the possible mismatched libido solutions?
Whichever may be the case, there is bound to be resentment and conflict in the relationship, that can ultimately lead to the end of the relationship. Does that mean a relationship is doomed if their is sexually incompatibility between the sex drives of both partners are ?
Sexual incompatibility is a big problem, but there are some good solutions for that. Experts reveal how to deal with mismatched libidos or sexual incompatibility and still have a happy and fulfilling marriage-
GLORIA BRAME, PHD, ACS
Sexual incompatibility is fairly common among couples. It should not be a deal-breaker UNLESS that incompatibility causes heartache in a relationship. When I work with a couple keen on saving or improving their marriage, I treat incompatibility as a function of natural biological differentials that can be balanced to build a healthier relationship. The only exception is when incompatible sex drives causes so much underlying friction that one or both partners can’t or won’t do the work.
So what do you do if you are not sexually satisfied? and what are the possible mismatched sex drives solution?
If it’s deteriorated into a Mexican stand-off, divorce should be on the table. But, depending on your commitment to the marriage (and taking the welfare of any kids you have into account), you can accommodate most sexual differentials by building new skills and creating new rules and boundaries that keep you both satisfied. This may include negotiating more time to pursue erotic appetites in safe, acceptable ways, such as viewing porn or masturbating if you are monogamous. Or, if you lean towards the adventure, it might mean discussing a poly arrangement or an outlet for kink/fetish fantasies, thus improving sexuality in marriage.
MYISHA BATTLE
Sexual Incompatibility, or Incompatible sex drive, or mismatched desire, is the most common issue I see in my work with couples. This isn’t too surprising as it is rare that two people will want sex with the same frequency at the same times throughout the course of their relationship. Often a pattern emerges of one partner asking for sex and then feeling rejected which can cause a further divide. My recommendation for a sexually incompatible marriage, is for the partner with the higher sex drive to cultivate a steady masturbation practice to take the pressure off of the lower drive partner. I am also a big advocate for scheduling sex in advance. This takes the guesswork out of “when are we going to have sex?” and builds anticipation, which is very sexy.
CARLI BLAU, LMSW
“Sex is not just about vaginal-penile intercourse, it can encompass many different layers of sexual activities such as solo masturbation, kissing, engaging in foreplay together, or co-masturbation. If the partners have different sex drives, or if one partner desires sex more frequently, how often is intercourse desired, versus, other sexual acts? It’s about finding a middle ground so that both partners feel heard and respected for their desires. If partners can discuss their needs openly and honestly, and commit to finding a compromise, they can focus less on their sexual incompatibility, and more on finding sexual activities that satisfy both of them.”
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